Is Your Toddler Refusing Bedtime?
This is why …..
Is your toddler’s bedtime turning into a circus full of stall tactics, crying, negotiations and tantrums? You are NOT alone.
Toddlerhood is HARD, and bedtime can be even harder. Toddlers are hard-wired to want control and they start to need, and demonstrate, more autonomy. Parenting toddlers is exhausting, no more so at bedtime when it’s the end of the day and all you want is your alone time.
If your little one is refusing bedtime, the most likely reasons (and how to remedy them!) are:
Problem: Not tired enough
Remedy: Increase sleep pressure by reducing the length of their nap/s during the day, or moving their bedtime later
Problem: Unmet sensory or temperament needs
Remedy: Lots of physical active time. This could be outside running around, climbing at the playground, being pushed on the swings. Or if the weather is bad, creating an obstacle course inside.
Problem: Struggling with separation
Remedy: Separation anxiety is so hard for both the child and parent, but consistent 1:1 time (focusing on connection and emotional reassurance) can really help to ease their separation anxiety, even if just 10 minutes.
Problem: Needing a stronger, more predictable bedtime routine with kind but firm boundaries.
Remedy: Just like with adults, routines are most effective when they’re consistent and predictable with a series of actions done in the same order every time. Ensure you allow enough time in your schedule for a routine that is calming and enjoyable with firm boundaries. An example of a bedtime routine would be:
Healthy snack or bottle/breastfeeding
Bath/diaper change
Brushing teeth and going to the bathroom
Reading a book / sing a lullaby together
Massage, cuddling, and rocking your little one
Talking about their day
When the routine is complete, let your child know that it’s time for sleep
Give your child a goodnight kiss and turning out the light
Additional Tips:
Sometimes the best thing to do is simply to make bedtime a fun experience for them! Get silly and playful and make this a time of connection. This will lead to better cooperation as they will look forward to this time with you and/or your partner.
Visual bedtime routine illustration cards can also be such a helpful tool. They help children to understand their routine and create engagement. Additionally, you can increase their interest in their bedtime routine by decorating the cards with stickers of their favorite things: rockets, fairies, dinosaurs, etc.