Control your Calm

We can not control sleep.

There are absolutely tweaks and changes we can make to support sleep, but we cannot force it.

At times we may think that our baby should be sleeping and when they aren’t this can cause anxiety, stress and feelings of hopelessness and/or failure. I often have parents asking me what they should do when they are supporting their baby to sleep but they aren’t sleeping. 

In these situations, I always say to focus on the calm instead of the sleep. Specifically, to focus on YOUR calm. I have spoken before about co-regulation. You can see my previous post for more details around this. 

Your baby will regulate themself through you. So, you need to focus on creating and being calm for them to be calm, as they cannot fall asleep until they can shift into parasympathetic state. In order to do remain calm, you may need to settle (or resettle) your baby for a period of time, before having a reset. 

Through this process it is helpful to pay attention to what creates calm for you and what creates calm for your baby. For yourself, this may include taking deep breaths or moving to a quiet room. For your baby, this may be sensory input like rocking or tight squeezes or using a low, calm voice to talk to them while stroking their face. 

Don’t be afraid to experiment and try different things to see what works best. You may be surprised what you learn about yourself and your little one.